January 17th – Songs from the musicals – “Sweeney Todd”

Sweeney Todd:
Shame?Mrs. Lovett:
Seems an awful waste
Such a nice, plump frame
What’s his name has–
Had–
Has!
Nor it can’t be traced…Business needs a lift,
Debts to be erased…
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift!
If you get my drift.
Seems an awful waste…
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is…
When you get it…
If you get it.

Sweeney Todd:
Ah!

Mrs. Lovett:
Good, you got it!

Take, for instance,
Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better
Using only pussycats and toast
Now our pussy’s good for maybe six or seven,
At the most!
And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste

Sweeney Todd:
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion-

Mrs. Lovett: [simultaneously]
Well, it does seem a waste

Sweeney Todd:
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!
Mrs. Lovett, how I’ve lived without you all these years I’ll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!

Mrs. Lovett: [simultaneously]
Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen’ll
Soon be comin’ for a shave
Won’t they?
Think of all them pies

Sweeney Todd:
For what’s the sound of the world out there?

Mrs. Lovett:
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

Sweeney Todd:
Those crunching noises pervading the air!

Mrs. Lovett:
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!

Sweeney Todd:
It’s man devouring man, my dear!

Sweeney Todd/Mrs.Lovett:
And then who are we to deny it in here

Sweeney Todd: [spoken]
These are deperate times, Mrs. Lovett.
Desperate measures are called for.

Mrs. Lovett:
Here we are.
Hot, out of the oven!

Sweeney Todd:
What is that?

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
It’s priest, have a little priest.

Sweeney Todd: [spoken]
Is it really good?

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
Sir, it’s too good, at least!
Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh,
So it’s pretty fresh.

Sweeney Todd: [spoken]
Awful lot of fat.

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
Only where it sat.

Sweeney Todd: [spoken]
Haven’t you got poet, or something like that?

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
No, y’see, the trouble with poet is
‘Ow do you know it’s deceased?
Try the priest!
…lawyer’s rather nice.

Sweeney Todd:
If it’s for a price.

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!

Sweeney Todd: [spoken]
Anything that’s lean?

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
Well, then, if you’re British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it’s clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been

Sweeney Todd:
Is that squire,
On the fire?

Mrs. Lovett:
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You’ll notice it’s grocer

Sweeney Todd: [spoken]
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
No, it has to be grocer —
It’s green

Sweeney Todd:
The history of the world, my love —

Mrs. Lovett:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors
Sweeney Todd:
Is those below serving those up above

Mrs. Lovett:
Everybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors

Sweeney Todd:
How gratifying for once to know-

Sweeney Todd/Mrs. Lovett:
That those above will serve those down below

Sweeney Todd: [spoken]
What is that?

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
It’s fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd’s pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I’ve just begun —
Here’s the politician, so oily
It’s served with a doily,
Have one!

Sweeney Todd: [spoken, then sung after “if”]
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it’s going to run!

Mrs. Lovett: [sung]
Try the friar,
Fried, it’s drier!

Sweeney Todd:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!

Mrs. Lovett:
Then actor,
That’s compacter!

Sweeney Todd: [sung, then spoken afer “I’ll”]
Yes, and always arrives overdone
I’ll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!

Sweeney Todd:
Have charity towards the world, my pet

Mrs. Lovett:
Yes, yes, I know, my love

Sweeney Todd:
We’ll take the customers that we can get

Mrs. Lovett:
High-born and low, my love

Sweeney Todd [Mrs.Lovett:
We’ll not discriminate great from small
No, we’ll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone [We’ll serve anyone]

Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett:
And to anyone
At all!